ESSAY 1 PEER RESPONSE SHEET:

 Remembering An Event (pages 17-20)

Reader's name_________________________

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first on both sides of the page. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.

I was caught up in the story. I wanted to know what brought on the death of innocence.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment? YES NO
What do you see as that purpose?

He wants the reader to understand what the experience of seeing a man die meant to him.

*3. To what audience is the essay directed and is this audience an appropriate one for the subject?

Coversheet says to Readers' Digest audience. This seems right to me because people of most walks of life would understand and enjoy this story.

4. List two examples from the essay that indicate the writer's awareness of the needs of this specific audience. Refer to the essay's tone
word choice, details selected, and so forth.

    a. Death is a serious subject, and he handles it with the seriousness that
     the reader expects.

    b. The details about how school was tough for him, how it was like a
     prison. Probably many of his readers will identify with
    that experience and get caught up in the story. 

*5. What is main point or thesis of the essay? Write the thesis sentence down here.

I don't know what the main point is exactly. Maybe he needs to state a thesis in the opening paragraph (he doesn't give a thesis on the coversheet either).

6.Does the organization of essay material logically follow from the purpose and thesis of the essay? YES NO Comment:

He tells the story in chronological order, which is the right way to tell a story. At the end he tells what the experience meant to him, and that's what we're supposed to do, too. He needs a climax to the story, though--maybe highlight the point when it was clear that the man was dead?

*7. Does the essay keep you interested? YES     NO     UP TO A POINT         Comment: 

I never got bored!! 

8.List three details or examples that interested you.

    a. The title 

    b. The line about the irony: "a kind of cradle to the grave metaphor"

    c. When he thought about his father, if he were the one dead

9. Can you follow the time order of the events or situations easily? 

    Yes, very clear. I get the sense that the event took place in a matter of
     a few minutes. Is that right?

    Are all other details clear? 

    I don't know what he means when he says that he went home "a little    
    titillated."

10. Add further suggestions and comments below. 

    a. Circle paragraphs that confused you. Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 

    I don't see the point of paragraph 2 when he talks about studying
    algebra--seems off the subject or at least not necessary. He
    needs to get to the story more quickly. And the part about "titillating"
    is not explained.

    b. What, if anything, should the writer throw out or revise? 

    The part about being "Titillated." Also I don't understand why he
    crossed the street. Also is he talking about Newport, TN?

    c. What should the writer definitely keep?

    The part about his dad 

    d. Quote or note your favorite sentence, point, or idea from the essay. 

    "If not for coincidence, it would have been splendid irony, a kind of
     cradle to the grave metaphor."

*11. Does the essay fulfill the requirements for the assignment?

    a. Is there a coversheet? YES     NO

    b. Is the essay titled? YES     NO

    c. Is the essay handwritten in blue or black ink on wide-lined paper, or
     typed/printed, on one side only? YES     NO

    d. Is the first page set up as in the sample essay on page 18? YES     NO

    e. Are subsequent pages numbered as in the sample essay on page 18? 
    YES    NO

    Your last name plus page # needed on each page

    f. Does the essay meet the 550-650 word count? YES     NO         
    900 words!!